Recap

Where have I been lately? Not here. Instead I powered through a fifteen week class in a record breaking seven days. I have been all over this fine state of mine, tore down my front porch deck and walk way, played full time aunt for five days to two of the most amazing nephews a girl can ask for, and trying to keep my hormones under wrap.

So let’s start with the first one: class. I have a true love-hate relationship with summer courses. One, I’m done. Typically in four week versus the 15. But not this one. The professor had never taught a summer course and therefore, we powered through it in full force. It. Was. A. Lot. But totally worth it. I excelled and finished with a straight 100%. Goes to show what a good professor can actually do for a student and the class. He cared and didn’t talk down to anyone. Hallelujah!

Work has me all over this state. I love to travel but it’s making summer fly by and leaving me feeling like I have yet to enjoy it. Enough on that subject for now.

On a sunny, warm Saturday afternoon, I asked hubs to fix the middle step of our 24 foot walk way leading to the house. It should have been a quick 30 minute, $50 fix. But rather it turned into a three day total demo of the walk and front patio deck. Apparently, the saying is true – you can’t judge a book by its cover.  Everything looked fine from the surface, but wood rot and black mold made it possible for me to “hulk smash” a 2×6. This should not be possible and yet it was a little too easy for me to do. I couldn’t rightfully band-aid something that was as in bad as shape as it was. We have family coming in September and November. I only shudder when I think about what could have potentially happened should we have not caught this disaster of a mess. We have had multiple contractors come and look at it and are currently deciding on the route to take. My HOA is none to impressed we did this without their approval, but I’m quite confident they will survive as it’s not their wallet these expenses will come out of and it will be the most beautiful porch and walkway they’ve seen! It does make me cringe when I think about how the shape the rest of the wrap around deck might be in. But that’s next year’s problem. Funny, how fixer-uppers tell you which project is up next. Here we were thinking we were saving up for a new truck, but in reality it’s for a safer deck.

We were able to have my two nephews over for several days. I took a full week off of work (today is my last day before I go back, and it’s a rejuvenation day!). The last week has been great. As soon as the boys got into the car, my heart just soared. I loved hearing their laughter, their stories, and their innocence. They were so well behaved. We did A LOT in that short time they were here. The dog is tired and my husband admitted he needs to get back into shape as sitting in front of a desk for 11 hours a day is not really conducive for keeping up with active kids. I, on the other hand, did fine. Okay, okay, there was an extra cup of coffee and an  “oh crap, why are they up at 630 a.m.” thought on the last day.  My ultimate goal was to keep them so busy that they slept at night. caveWhich they did. In that short time we: went spelunking, spent a full day at an amusement park, went golfing, fishing, to a state park, visited the university, toured a military base, played at several parks, went hiking, invented our own board games, and watched the Men in Black movies. And that 630 wake up, was so they could have breakfast with my hubs (be still my heart), before he went to work and they went boysback to bed. When I dropped them off last night, it was truly hard. I miss them, and this house is made for legos, nerf guns, outside football, swinging, Sunday evening games of baseball, rough housing with the hubs, and laughter. So much laughter. It just reaffirms in my heart that this is truly what I want…

Lastly, we are on yet another month of TTC. Each one filled with a little bit more disappointment but a little bit more hope. I have found myself more emotional than the previous two months. Not sure if it’s stress, the extra hormones pulsing through my body, or the alignment of the solar system (I am not a horoscope girl but maybe?).  I am at least recognizing this and therefore doing the best I can from becoming some sort of crazy person that everyone steers clear of. Hubs says I’m doing great and he’s there to fix whatever he can, but it’s not something that can be fixed. It’s just the state that I’m currently in. I’m truly hoping he’s being honest and not just appeasing me with the “doing great” statement.

So anyway, that’s a quick wrap up of the last couple of weeks for me. Looking forward to catching up with you all!

 

Celebrating

In the midst of all the chaos my crazy life is bringing, I did a little celebrating this weekend. It was more internally, but celebrating none the less. For the first time in months, my body actually did what it was supposed to – ovulate. Seems simple. Seems natural. Seems silly to those who don’t understand (and I’ve already lost those readers). But for the first time in the longest time, I saw a smiley face on the readout of the test. I can’t describe the happiness that instantly flooded across my entire being. I immediately ran out from the bathroom and down the hall to my husband in the living room. I caught him off guard, as I was holding the reader still in my hand. Before I could say anything he said “You’re pregnant!” what? um no. He knows it wasn’t the right time for that news, but it was so incredibly sweet and heart warming to see him light up. After I clarified that what I was holding was not a positive pregnancy test, but rather a positive ovulation test and we are just one step closer, his mind quickly came back to the reality of where we were: still trying. There’s nothing wrong with this reality. In fact, for once, I’m perfectly okay with where I’m at in this journey. After all, my body has finally done what it’s supposed to and that calls for a little bit of celebrating!

Father’s Day

My Dearest Husband,

Over the years, the holidays took it’s toll on me. This year, I see that this particular day, Father’s Day, is taking its toll on you. I saw your face drain as you scrolled through the hundreds of social media posts about how “being a dad is the best ever” this morning over coffee.  I saw how eager you were to escape to the mountains to get away from it all, to be disconnected from the reminder that today should be your day. I felt the ping when the waiter gave you a $10 gift card to celebrate all the Dad’s out there “like you”, and you in turn said you weren’t a father. (They gave him the gift card anyway.) I know your heart is breaking; it breaks mine too.

I want to tell you husband, that you are a great! You may not be a “dad” but you are so much more. You are a fantastic uncle, role model, mentor, boss, son, and husband. Your patient, funny, witty, one of the smartest people I know, hard working, adventurous, compassionate, kind, and innovative.

Our nieces and nephews love you to pieces. Your employees think highly of you. Your family knows you as the king that you are. Your furbabies, obviously, show you on a daily basis how much love they have for you. And I? I can’t imagine life without you.  You are my calm in the storm, rock, biggest support, my encouragement, reassurance, and my heart.

Husband, I know with 100% certainty that you will earn that World’s Greatest Dad coffee mug, and support that #1 Dad t-shirt with the utmost confidence. I know without a shadow of a doubt, how amazing you will be to our children. I long for the day that I capture that moment of a tired daddy and child on laying your chest, as you both sleep so peacefully on the couch. I know you do too.  I am sorry this day has finally taken a stab into your heart, but don’t let this day get you down. Instead, let’s think of this day as a “practice day”. Today, we will practice an alone date night, without our (future) children. Today, we will (practice) plan our vacation without our (future) children. Today, we will practice being us: husband and wife, not mom and dad.

Happy (practice) Father’s Day my love.